Tuesday, July 25, 2006

In Wyoming with Noemi

Thwacky and Whacky arrived safely in Cheyenne and were pretty excited because they'd heard about Wyoming (even if AnglRdr hadn't) and were hoping they would be seeing Yellowstone. Noemi had to explain to them that they were in the wrong corner of the state for that. Then they asked about Frontier Days and she had to explain that they were in the right area, but two weeks too early. The fish consoled themselves by trying on jewelry while Noemi was trying to put tags on it. Then they decided to try to strike a blow for fishy justice and subdue a cat. As you can see they weren't very sucessful, as Cleo seems pretty unconcerned about the whole thing. At that point Noemi moved Thwacky and Whacky to a safer location before they tried to subdue Scooter and got chewed on.The weather finally cleared up and so Noemi took the fish to see one of the giant cowboy boots that were part of a community art project. The fish were really lucky because this boot is owned by the state agency Noemi's husband works for so he could get them in behind the ropes for a close up view.Noemi then took them to see where Frontier Days would be taking place in two weeks and wandered around the park across the street. There they stopped to look at locomotive 1242 which had been nicknamed Old Sadie. The fish were really interested in the
interior fence. Noemi explained it had been made from old metal objects by a local man who had made a similar fence for his house.
With that the fish were ready to move on and headed off to California to visit MacLloyd.

In North Carolina with Radical Dory

Well, the fishes arrived in Winston-Salem to much glee. Radical Dory had told her parents and sister about what they were doing, and as they're not terribly exciting people, they recieved quite a welcome from Radical Dory, Mom, Julie, and even Oscar when they arrived.

After a day spent dropping off resumes around town, Julie and Radical Dory set out showing Thwacky and Whacky the area. They found a sign that seemed to sum up their day quite nicely. "Why yes, good people at Reynolds Presbyterian...yes, we do. Thank you for asking." (This is probably not what R.J. Reynolds had in mind when he built the church. )On to SciWorks, which is not only a fun museum, but where Radical Dory works (for now, anyway). Thwacky wanted a closer look at our giant T. Rex head and with southern hospitality in mind, Radical Dory kindly obliged him. Whacky wasn't quite so thrilled...he kept "falling" out.Radical Dory and Julie then took the fish outside to meet the museum's animals. The critters were rather indifferent except for the lovely otters, Ollie and Mollie. They were really, really friendly towards Thwacky and Whacky. The fishies felt uncomfortable; can't imagine why.Whacky said that he felt tired and would just like to have some coffee. In typical North Carolina fashion, you just can't have coffee. Instead, even coffee becomes an occasion for showing off a little. Radical Dory and Julie took the fishes home and awaited Noemi's message as to their next destination.

In the Florida Panhandle with Spam & Cookies

When the guys arrived on Thursday afternoon, they were surprised to discover that Spam & Cookies was (a) only one person, and (b) not made of either spam or cookies. She promised them she'd take them to the beach Friday right after work, but after waiting for her all day, this is how the weather looked. So, disappointed, everyone went home for the night, hoping for brighter skies in the morning.
They checked the local weather in the morning, and when they saw that the surf flag was yellow (which means "don't blame us if you drown, dummy") they packed up their beach gear.

They stopped on the way to snap a pic in front of the world's only known four headed palm tree.
Then they headed for the beach.

The kids yelled, "Come on, let's swim!" but Thwacky shook his head, remembering the shark attacks along these shores last summer. Whacky called him a wimp and a carcharophobe, but he stayed onshore with Thwacky and helped him build a sand castle.
Soon after, a pirate ship rounded the jetties, and fired upon the beachgoers with their cannon, but the brave fish came through unharmed.Once Spam & Cookies was good and sunburnt, Thwacky and Whacky took one last look at the beautiful, white sand dunes, climbed back in their padded envelope and headed to the Carolinas to visit Radical Dory.

In Indiana with Deep Blue

When Thwacky and Whacky arrived in Indiana, they accompanied Deep Blue to work on Monday, where they got the grand tour. They were quite taken with Deep Blue's friend Dan, and wanted to leave with him, but she caught them before they made it to his truck.
The company Deep Blue works for designs and builds mail sorting equipment, so she gave them a closer look at the contraption they get sent through every time they get mailed. "That's what we've been shoved through?" griped Thwacky. "No wonder why I have a cramp in my dorsal fin!"
They headed out to take a ride on the Harley, with the fish sporting thier new leather vests (complete with Harley logo) and doo rags. However, since Deep Blue only has a learner's permit, she can't carry passengers yet.
The fish finished off their visit with a trip to Indiana Beach, the local amusement park, where they struck up a conversation with one of White County's finest before heading back to Florida for their visit with Spam & Cookies.

In Nashville with AnglRdr

When Thwacky and Whacky arrived in Nashville, they were so tired from their trip in a hot summer envelope that all they wanted to do for a little while was catch up on their snopesing in an air conditioned room and drink plenty of Diet Coke! AnglRdr was quite unprepared for the fishes' appetite for diet cola beverages and had to make an unexpected trip to the grocery store.
Meanwhile, Thwacky and Whacky eventually bestirred themselves to try to check in with some of their aquatic acquaintances by having AnglRdr catch them on hooks and pull them out of the water.
A local news reporter, always looking for a variation on the "man bites dog" story of interest, decided that fish-fishing-for-fish would be an excellent feature story for the 6:00 news.
After AnglRdr showed the fish some of the local Nashville sites,
they were more than ready to go somewhere cooler, so they bid their hostess farewell and set off to visit Deep Blue in Indiana.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

In Austin, TX with Lilybet, Gayle, & Kev

Although Thwacky and Whacky did not get to see as much of Gainesville as they had hoped, the fish were undaunted, and arrived in Lilybet’s mailbox full of anticipation – and bearing Chick tracts. “Well, this won’t do at all,” she declared, and whisked the fish off to an unnamed local boutique* to get their piscine heads straightened out.

“Dude,” said Thwacky to Whacky, “I feel strange.”

“I feel blurry,” replied Whacky.
Lilybet was still a bit anxious for the fishies’ mental well-being, so introduced the fish to friendly neighbors Sam Hurt and Hank the Hallucination, who encouraged Thwacky and Whacky to “get real.”

Afterwards the fish headed off for a night out on the town with Austin snopesters Gayle and Kev. Barring a brief incident when Whacky got a little peckish and attempted to gnosh on his hostess, the fish and snopesters had a great time at the Dog and Duck, drinking Newcastle Brown Ale and chatting up dishy young men.
After the hangovers had worn off the next day, the fish took a leisurely stroll down the Town Lake hike-and-bike trail to pay a visit to Austin guitar legend Stevie Ray Vaughn. The fish planned to pose on Stevie’s shoulders; unfortunately a couple of passerby on the trail felt this was disrespectful to Stevie’s memory and put up a bit of a fuss. Lilybet’s attempts to explain the situation didn’t go over well, and the altercation ultimately ended the way any conflict involving a rubber fish must.Tired but happy, the fish said their goodbyes to beautiful Austin, Texas and jetted off in their first-class luxury padded envelope to visit AnglRdr in Nashville.

Monday, May 08, 2006

In Florida with Cervus

Well, the fishies were not pleased with having to sit in Cervus's mailbox for five days in the Florida heat. They were even more upset to learn that she'd only have one day to show them around Gainesville; they'd been lured (ha ha) to Florida with promises of golden sunsets, Mickey Mouse, and long swims along the beach. But, alas, her hectic schedule prevented her from being a good hostess, and the fish were left to flounder on their own without a tour guide.

It was an overcast day so they couldn't even enjoy the warm sunshine. On top of that, Cervus's dog took quite a liking to Thwacky and Whacky, deciding they were his own personal chew toys.They'd had enough. So they asked a local about some good places to visit around town.

They visited the University of Florida, but school had just let out for the summer, so the campus was deserted. No frat parties or fisheries science classes to sit in on. However, they did get to appreciate some modern art. And although they were in Gator Country, this was as close to an alligator as they wanted to get.On the advice of the locals, the fish then strolled around Gainesville's historic district and were in awe of the Southern mansions that line several blocks.
By then the skies had grown even cloudier, and the fish had to call it a day. But they resolved to return to Florida another time, possibly with a tour grouper.

In Rhode Island with TrishDaDish

Thwacky & Whacky were wary of TrishDaDish. They had heard of her Crispin Glover fetish. It became tragically clear when she made Thwacky recreate the poster for "Willard" with her.
TrishDaDish was also starting a new victory garden, and put them to work digging. While they toiled, she taunted, "A little clean muck never hurt nobody!" and smoked a cigarette. They began to question whether Rhode Island bred weird people, or if it was just TrishDaDish's agoraphobia making her such a bizarre person.

At the end of a long day spent digging, Thwacky and Whacky were wiped out and just wanted to sleep. Luckily, SpongeBob SquarePants happened by and read them some interesting bedtime stories, and they dreamt of happier days under the sea.

Luckily, the fish weren't with Trish for long before she packed them up and sent them to Cervus in sunny Florida.

In Massachusetts with Wonko the Sane

Shortly after the fish arrived, the Wonkos, being socially responsible temporary parents, immediately took them down the road to the local brothel, where Whacky and Thwacky learned about the birds and the bees and how to practice safe spawning.

The Wonkos continued their education with a history lesson, by visiting what might be the most sadly overrated national landmark in the USA."Is that the real thing?!", they asked excitedly, having grown up hearing all about it in school.

Nope. Definitely not. Even says so right over there.

"Is this even the right location?", they ask, their enthusiasm only slightly dampened.

Nope. Almost certainly not. And most of what you learned in school about what happened is false, too. Sorry guys, but at least you have a story to take with you. And don't ask how that liquid got on the landmark. "I don't know, and I don't WANT to know," said Wonko.

Having come face to face with the brutal realities of revisionism, the fish came back to the homestead to wrap up their visit with us. Sadly, on their last night with the Sanes, one of the local denizens croaked, so the fish and all the rest of the family (only a small percentage of them are visible) paid their respects before the stiff went to find out what angel lust is really all about.Well, at least they got the chance to reveal to the world where their true baseball allegiances lie before they were shipped off to Trish in Rhode Island.

In San Diego with Silas Sparkhammer

Silas felt so privileged to host Thwacky and Whacky that he hosted an impromptu snopesmeet in their honor! Here we can see Thwacky and Echinodermata Q. Taft's hand in front of Charles Foster Kane's lovely Xanadu.
Silas and Thwacky had fun posing in front of an avatar Silas has been known to use in the past.

Later on, Whacky was feeling a bit ill and just wanted to rest, so Thwacky cozied up with Delta, Silas's sexy robot friend.
Well rested and happy in the southern California warmth, Thwacky and Whacky prepared for their journey to the Northeast to visit Wonko the Sane.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

In Alberta with Jenn

Despite the lovely mild winter Edmonton has had, it got a massive amount of snow in a very short amount of time right before the fish arrived. The fish didn't seem too thrilled with this, so took their chances indoors with Jenn's cat. They were in the car to West Edmonton Mall in no time. Being fish, they were quite impressed with all of that Alberta sky.

Once in the world's largest mall, they admired the replica of the Santa Maria, hammed it up for a Sea Life Caverns photo op, longed for a dip in the World Waterpark, narrowly escaped being crushed by a Chinatown lion, and tried to talk Jenn into going on the indoor rollercoaster ("No bloody way!"). They took a short break after finding Nemo and Dori to share their travel story with their captive brethren.

Since Jenn had been up until 4am and forced to get up at the ungodly hour of 11am, she insisted upon stopping for a biscotti and coffee at Second Cup, where Jenn's design student SO lectured the fish on the concept of streamline. "Better them than me," muttered Jenn. That evening, the fish had dinner with Jenn and her world traveler friends who have biked all over the world. The fish tried out the bikes but decided that their inability to reach the pedals made the postal system the better choice for their continued travels.After Jenn went home, the fish geeked it up with a game of Magic: The Gathering. They headed off for San Diego the next day.

In New Brunswick with UEL

The fishes had a great time in New Brunswick. They arrived a little "hungover" from Newfoundland, but were ready for the enjoyment of the heart of NB.

Unfortunately, the day after they arrived, some bad news came to UEL's family so their party, erm, visit, was put on hold for about four days.

But that timed it nicely with UEL's daughters' spring break. What a visit it was!

The morning started off with picking up UEL's daughters' friend Ally. Immediately the two fish wanted to split a Tim's coffee.
Once the caffeine kicked in, it was downtown to get some New Brunswick culture. The Beaverbrook Art Gallery was the venue. Everyone first checked out the exterior, then went inside.
No photos were allowed inside, so everyone went around and checked out the artwork. Much was impressive, especially the works of Anthony Flowers. But the fish seemed a bit bored, as did the three girls that were escorting them.

So, after a bit of culture, the fish wanted to see power. The group went across the street to the legislature. Thwacky was in awe of the edifice where some of the most important decisions for the province are made.

It was a bit chilly, so UEL's daughters Shawn and Addy suggested that everyone go to the museum on the base near Fredericton. It was a great suggestion. Thwacky was impressed by the amount of care given to the artifacts, while Whacky seemed quite content to be carried around by three blondes.

The girls were quite excited by the afternoon. The group was going to the gym. UEL to work on maintaining this epitome of manly physique and the girls to paractice the routines from their cheerleading club.
Finally, the day was done. Ally went home and UEL's girls were tired. Thwacky and Whacky were anxious to get on their way to Edmonton to see Jenn so everyone went to UEL's workplace. He showed the pictures of the day around to his colleagues, but unfortunately, he forgot to tell the fish to sit still. They collaborated with one of UEL's office mates and decided to run off with UEL's hat. He caught them about 30 minutes later.

With that, they went home. The next day the fish caught their bubblewrapped taxi to Edmonton.

Monday, February 27, 2006

In Newfoundland with RingKeeper and Loony

Thwacky and Whacky arrived on the Rock on February 16th, tired but none the worse for wear. RingKeeper and Loony let them rest for awhile because there was so much they wanted to squeeze into the fishes’ short stay. They were confident in our ability to show Thwacky and Whacky a good time because if there’s one thing Newfoundlanders know, it’s fish. And if there’s another thing they know, it’s good times!

On Friday night Thwacky and Whacky attended a Fog Devils hockey game with RingKeeper and her husband. They enjoyed the view from the box seats but wanted to know what exactly a Fog Devil was. RingKeeper told them she’d get back to them on that. They thoroughly enjoyed the open bar and by the end of the third inning the score was 5 to 2 for the Fog Devils and they didn’t give a NFBSK what the devil a fog was…or shomething. Whatever.

It took a little while for the fishies to get back on their fins, but when they did they were raring to go. Cape Spear was on the list, and Thwacky expressed some interest in being the most easternly fish in North America, until we explained that the fish in the water were probably more easternly than he was. They thought about taking a dory out, but with the high winds it was just too risky.

Signal Hill was very cold, but the fish got a great view of the city before they dove headlong into the heart of downtown. Loony had to hold them very tightly to ensure they didn’t blow away. And no trip to Newfoundland is complete without a stop on George Street. Thwacky wanted to go to O’Reilly’s Irish Pub and Whacky was interested in Trapper John’s. Loony had to step in and defuse what could have been a very nasty fin slapping. The fish had to be threatened several times with detailed instructions on how to cut out fish tongues. Everyone decided to stop at the Celtic Hearth for brunch instead (yes, they were bar hopping that early). They had waffles (of course), and the fish took time for a pint before heading back out into the -22ºC weather.

Before RingKeeper and Loony let them go, the fishies were made honourary Newfoundlanders with a Screech in. They kissed the puffin’s arse, answered the age old question “Is ye a Newfoundlander?” with the eloquent response “Indeed I is, me old cock, and long may your big jib draw,” and swallowed down their Screech with barely a gasp from their little gills.


When Loony’s cat decided Thwacky looked like lunch, everyone figured it was time to bid the fishies good-bye and sent them off to New Brunswick to visit UEL.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

In Ontario with callee

Callee was understandably surprised to receive two aquatic guests in the mail. Especially two male guests! He just hadn't picked up such a vibe from Thwacky at the meet. Worried that Thwacky and Whacky might have caught "Teh Gay," callee made sure that the young fish were properly instructed in the practice of True Religion. Look how well it worked!

His duty done, callee sent Thwacky and Whacky east to RingKeeper and Loony.

Out and About in Toronto with Canuckistan

Canuckistan took Thwacky to Fly Nightclub-- according to them, it's every gay stereotype come to life! It is actually the club which was the basis for Babylon on the show "Queer as Folk."
Before long, Thwacky was at the bar and drinking like... well, like a fish!
To Canuckistan's surprise, Thwacky disappeared in the club. Now how often is it that one gets ditched by a rubber fish? Canuckistan eventually gave up and went home. So imagine his surprise Sunday morning when he got a call from Thwacky. Thwacky wanted to know if he could bring a "friend" up. Meet Whacky.
Whacky is a whale-minnow hybrid. He and Thwacky met at the club, and it was love at first sight! So Canuckistan, happy for them both, let them check the NFBSK forum for any info on fish relationships....
... before shipping the happy fish couple off to callee.