Sunday, May 21, 2006

In Austin, TX with Lilybet, Gayle, & Kev

Although Thwacky and Whacky did not get to see as much of Gainesville as they had hoped, the fish were undaunted, and arrived in Lilybet’s mailbox full of anticipation – and bearing Chick tracts. “Well, this won’t do at all,” she declared, and whisked the fish off to an unnamed local boutique* to get their piscine heads straightened out.

“Dude,” said Thwacky to Whacky, “I feel strange.”

“I feel blurry,” replied Whacky.
Lilybet was still a bit anxious for the fishies’ mental well-being, so introduced the fish to friendly neighbors Sam Hurt and Hank the Hallucination, who encouraged Thwacky and Whacky to “get real.”

Afterwards the fish headed off for a night out on the town with Austin snopesters Gayle and Kev. Barring a brief incident when Whacky got a little peckish and attempted to gnosh on his hostess, the fish and snopesters had a great time at the Dog and Duck, drinking Newcastle Brown Ale and chatting up dishy young men.
After the hangovers had worn off the next day, the fish took a leisurely stroll down the Town Lake hike-and-bike trail to pay a visit to Austin guitar legend Stevie Ray Vaughn. The fish planned to pose on Stevie’s shoulders; unfortunately a couple of passerby on the trail felt this was disrespectful to Stevie’s memory and put up a bit of a fuss. Lilybet’s attempts to explain the situation didn’t go over well, and the altercation ultimately ended the way any conflict involving a rubber fish must.Tired but happy, the fish said their goodbyes to beautiful Austin, Texas and jetted off in their first-class luxury padded envelope to visit AnglRdr in Nashville.

Monday, May 08, 2006

In Florida with Cervus

Well, the fishies were not pleased with having to sit in Cervus's mailbox for five days in the Florida heat. They were even more upset to learn that she'd only have one day to show them around Gainesville; they'd been lured (ha ha) to Florida with promises of golden sunsets, Mickey Mouse, and long swims along the beach. But, alas, her hectic schedule prevented her from being a good hostess, and the fish were left to flounder on their own without a tour guide.

It was an overcast day so they couldn't even enjoy the warm sunshine. On top of that, Cervus's dog took quite a liking to Thwacky and Whacky, deciding they were his own personal chew toys.They'd had enough. So they asked a local about some good places to visit around town.

They visited the University of Florida, but school had just let out for the summer, so the campus was deserted. No frat parties or fisheries science classes to sit in on. However, they did get to appreciate some modern art. And although they were in Gator Country, this was as close to an alligator as they wanted to get.On the advice of the locals, the fish then strolled around Gainesville's historic district and were in awe of the Southern mansions that line several blocks.
By then the skies had grown even cloudier, and the fish had to call it a day. But they resolved to return to Florida another time, possibly with a tour grouper.

In Rhode Island with TrishDaDish

Thwacky & Whacky were wary of TrishDaDish. They had heard of her Crispin Glover fetish. It became tragically clear when she made Thwacky recreate the poster for "Willard" with her.
TrishDaDish was also starting a new victory garden, and put them to work digging. While they toiled, she taunted, "A little clean muck never hurt nobody!" and smoked a cigarette. They began to question whether Rhode Island bred weird people, or if it was just TrishDaDish's agoraphobia making her such a bizarre person.

At the end of a long day spent digging, Thwacky and Whacky were wiped out and just wanted to sleep. Luckily, SpongeBob SquarePants happened by and read them some interesting bedtime stories, and they dreamt of happier days under the sea.

Luckily, the fish weren't with Trish for long before she packed them up and sent them to Cervus in sunny Florida.

In Massachusetts with Wonko the Sane

Shortly after the fish arrived, the Wonkos, being socially responsible temporary parents, immediately took them down the road to the local brothel, where Whacky and Thwacky learned about the birds and the bees and how to practice safe spawning.

The Wonkos continued their education with a history lesson, by visiting what might be the most sadly overrated national landmark in the USA."Is that the real thing?!", they asked excitedly, having grown up hearing all about it in school.

Nope. Definitely not. Even says so right over there.

"Is this even the right location?", they ask, their enthusiasm only slightly dampened.

Nope. Almost certainly not. And most of what you learned in school about what happened is false, too. Sorry guys, but at least you have a story to take with you. And don't ask how that liquid got on the landmark. "I don't know, and I don't WANT to know," said Wonko.

Having come face to face with the brutal realities of revisionism, the fish came back to the homestead to wrap up their visit with us. Sadly, on their last night with the Sanes, one of the local denizens croaked, so the fish and all the rest of the family (only a small percentage of them are visible) paid their respects before the stiff went to find out what angel lust is really all about.Well, at least they got the chance to reveal to the world where their true baseball allegiances lie before they were shipped off to Trish in Rhode Island.

In San Diego with Silas Sparkhammer

Silas felt so privileged to host Thwacky and Whacky that he hosted an impromptu snopesmeet in their honor! Here we can see Thwacky and Echinodermata Q. Taft's hand in front of Charles Foster Kane's lovely Xanadu.
Silas and Thwacky had fun posing in front of an avatar Silas has been known to use in the past.

Later on, Whacky was feeling a bit ill and just wanted to rest, so Thwacky cozied up with Delta, Silas's sexy robot friend.
Well rested and happy in the southern California warmth, Thwacky and Whacky prepared for their journey to the Northeast to visit Wonko the Sane.